Rivulet of my Consciousness

 

10464198_10152448910756840_8573532966964083861_n

Today I spent the majority of my day finishing up a book for my book club meeting for tomorrow. I haven’t been very good about completing them lately and I wanted to finish this one and I wanted to change this aspect of my life. I just finished the book. The book was a very triggering one for me as it dealt with topics of adoption. I don’t have much capacity today for thoughtful writing due to this. But there have been many thoughts traveling the rivulet of my consciousness throughout the day, ones dealing with my emotions from the book, ones stemming from other areas I am working through from my depression and other daily life encounters. I am going to simply post memes and quotes that outline my thought processes of today.

11012830_10153272238790677_699632851013576634_n

11013364_851932598219424_996908241093864036_n

11168515_842813665797984_7690692738375863811_n

11265057_10153069002156704_1486159802965160798_n

11423677_1042721962434959_2294424512012879620_o

11752522_850396861706331_2847699195538488357_n

11753656_848952221850795_3671276227718343368_n11891015_866881476724536_2678491684454054835_n

11951966_10153262306280756_8230519520803009610_n

11953140_1920258924780035_6171503863425477000_n

12020015_706758619459977_5924351467624825924_n

12079651_712985162170656_5123396624633772022_n12109226_708082925994213_4477815237877962780_n

12118601_709032325899273_371480280051301599_n

12243493_10154400071813677_2806697396220598247_n

12645112_999248013474024_456650040292377903_n

12348145_735288423273663_2110408844880042290_n

12360154_10207647819130033_4712206791831388519_n

12552927_747798712022634_3019395551599867559_n

13308211_575873312594176_2779502595122156897_o

piece-of-paper-2

31317843_942710652577105_933431883855372385_n

img_5111

16649231_1006066439529192_3176121694067599541_n

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/rivulet/

Advertisements

Good enough

11013518_684155628381737_8774584662165767925_n

For far too long I have cared too much about what others have thought about me or how they have perceived me. I have worried too much about fitting in their neat little boxes in order to be a people pleaser, but no longer. Why should I care to please these vague, slippery, lifeless and uninteresting people anyway? I myself don’t want to be called any of those descriptive terms, so why should I try so damn hard to attempt to lower my standards to please and amend my ways to those sorts of people in the first place? If they were of the caliber that I wish to associate myself with, then they would accept me as I am, for all of the amazingness that I am and would also not be intimidated by any of my eccentricities either. So what if I have my own way of doing things and it is not of the popular or normal culture. Everyone has their own perception of the world as it is anyway. It happens that some have a more common collective view, and others see things differently.

18814528_1299258130169865_2698207571183270700_o

“The neurochemical impulses fired when we’re dreaming or fantasizing g or hallucinating are indistinguishable from the ones banging around inside our skulls from when we actually experience those events. So if what we perceive is often wrong, how can we ever know what’s real and what isn’t? -Daniel Pierce, “Perception”

I have had very low self esteem all of my life in many areas, due to my back story. But conversely, there are some areas in which I have very high self esteem also, some might even say bordering on arrogance. It beguiles me sometimes that I can be so bipolar on this, with no middle ground. I hope that my new mission of learning self love will help to balance and even those polar opposites out. I know in my head that I am good enough. I just need to feel good enough.

Even when I don’t have confidence in myself, I somehow often have the ability when I choose, to manifest that which I visualize, even if it’s not something I ever really believe in my head that I could ever have or do. Sometimes it comes as insight, as a vision of something that is going to happen, and sometimes it is something that I just focus on myself really hard and am able to manipulate through my own energy that I send out to the universe. Even if it’s some fantastical idea that seems so far out of my realm. If only I could back all of that up now with having the full confidence in myself and feel good enough and not just some vague sense of self in some areas. It all starts with love.

“How does love rewire the brain? When we meet somebody new and exciting, they invade our synapses like a virus triggering neurochemicals that feed into attraction, arousal, and obsession. We get distracted. We think about that special someone all the time. But we’re not just thinking about them. We’re building an internal model. A simulation that helps us predict what they’ll or how they’ll feel. Of course relationships get into trouble when the simulation meets reality. Which begs the question, do we ever really fall in love with another person or just with our idea of who they are? Neuro-psychoatrists say that were hard-wired to crave intimate connections. We long for love. Of course the reality is, it usually ends in heartache. Leaving our delicate psyches bruised, if not completely shattered. Why do we even bother playing those odds? I guess because we only have to get it right once. And when it’s right, you know it. Even the memory of the fulfilling relationship can sustain you, and remind us that, although we might be feeling down at this particular moment, we’re never truly alone.” -Daniel Pierce, “Perception”

First you have to love yourself before you are capable of properly loving anyone else.

My song of the day:

“Good Enough”
By: Evanescence

Under your spell again
I can’t say no to you
Crave my heart and it’s bleeding in your hand
I can’t say no to you

Shouldn’t let you torture me so sweetly
Now I can’t let go of this dream
I can’t breathe but I feel

Good enough
I feel good enough for you

Drink up sweet decadence
I can’t say no to you
And I’ve completely lost myself, and I don’t mind
I can’t say no to you

Shouldn’t let you conquer me completely
Now I can’t let go of this dream
Can’t believe that I feel

Good enough
I feel good enough
Its been such a long time coming, but I feel good

And I’m still waiting for the rain to fall
Pour real life down on me
‘Cause I can’t hold on to anything this good enough
Am I good enough for you to love me too?

So take care what you ask of me
‘Cause I can’t say no

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/vague/

Quote Challenge 2.0 Day 1

This is my first nomination for anything and I am ecstatic! Especially because it is in one of my favorite realms. QUOTES! I was nominated by Lizardin

A huge thank you for my first awesomely exciting nomination!

Rules:

  1. Thank the person who nominated you.
  2. Post a quote for three consecutive days (1 quote for each day).
  3. Share why this quote appeals so much to you.
  4. Nominate 3 different bloggers for each day.

 

Day 1 quote:

1477489_10205316605295552_8571560024489718643_n

I truly wish that I would have had the foresight when I was younger to know that it was so much better to embrace my uniqueness. I wish this was a value every child could understand when they are young, but unfortunately, this is a concept that requires experience to fully grasp. But there are so many wasted years trying to be someone children are not out of the desire to fit in. I see my 10 year old struggling with this every day.

I nominate the following bloggers for this challenge today…

Plisca Place

Lizzy’s Poetry

Oh, Border!