Near and Abroad

Her name is Alice

In 3 days I get to see one of my favorite bands in concert not too far from where I currently live. A little less than three years ago I saw Shinedown in Concert for the first time. I saw them abroad. Well, abroad from where I currently live, yet it was actually the exact town that is listed on both of my birth certificates. You read that right. I’m one of the priveleged citizens to have two birth certificates. One is my real one, but is the one that was hidden from me until 2 years ago, locked away, sealed, until the state I was born in was one of the ethically just states to pass the law to unseal adoptees OBC’s (Original Birth Certificates). And the other, “official” birth certificate that I use to identify myself for the entirety of my life is a legally falsified document. The only type permissible in our country without penalty. I’d be penalized for using my real one. When I finally obtained my real one it had stamped in red all over it “to be used to historical purposes only.” The duplicity of my innocence and my curiosity, eternalized on documents with different names, born on the same day, in the same city with different parents listed, yet somehow both papers are a representation of my brain, my soul, my physical self. But the one thing I am left with with is dichotomous pain. Welcome to the party that reigns inside my head.

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My Song of the Day: As I prep to attend my second Shinedown concert this week (which has become one of my top 10 favorite bands of all times within the past 3-4 years), here’s one from their latest album that is apropos to my current state of being these days…

 

 

DARKSIDE

By: Shinedown

Can you hear me? Am I speaking clearly?
Are you starstruck or just made of stone?
Do you need a savior? Some bad behavior?
Or you could cash it all in, I suppose

Because you’re in deep, resist and repeat
Face forward and don’t come unhinged
Block out the actors and all these bastards
That took all the fun out of rage and revenge

Don’t be so quick to judge, reign havoc from above
I think I’ve had enough, time to raise the dead
It’s all subliminal, supernatural
I might be mental but I’ve still got my cred

So welcome to the party, won’t you please come inside?
Where habits have teeth and the words carry knives
You enter at your own risk, so don’t be surprised
Welcome to the darkside

Spare me your sorrow, there’s no tomorrow
That’s an empty promise at best
I tried to play nice, you were baptized in ice
So don’t tell me you’re just depressed

Don’t be so quick to judge, reign havoc from above
I think I’ve had enough, time to raise the dead
It’s all subliminal, supernatural
I might be mental but I’ve still got my cred

So welcome to the party, won’t you please come inside?
Where habits have teeth and the words carry knives
You enter at your own risk, so don’t be surprised
Welcome to the darkside

Your equilibrium has been spun all around
And everything you know turned upside down
The symptoms are contagious so please be advised
So welcome to the darkside

Don’t be so quick to judge, reign havoc from above
I think I’ve had enough, time to raise the dead
It’s all subliminal, supernatural
I might be mental but I’ve still got my cred

So welcome to the party, won’t you please come inside?
Where habits have teeth and the words carry knives
You enter at your own risk, so don’t be surprised
Welcome to the darkside

Your equilibrium has been spun all around
And everything you know turned upside down
The symptoms are contagious so please be advised
So welcome to the darkside

(Darkside, darkside) Welcome to the darkside
(Darkside, darkside) Welcome to the darkside
(Darkside, darkside) So welcome to the darkside
(Darkside, darkside) So welcome to the darkside

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I’ll be watching you

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Many think I’m crazy. You play the game to position me as such. But I know better. I’m as sane as they come. Sure, I may miss the mark sometimes which makes my “accusations” sound crazy, but most of the time the craziest part is that I’m spot on, and you know it. And it scares the Bejesus out of you. You think you hide it so well, until I reveal something I have caught you in, or something I know, or suspect. And then you play the game right back to me, making it all seem like one huge scary coincidence.

CoincidencesAA

I don’t put it past you to have a watchful eye in the sky. Or an always listening ear somewhere near. George Orwell I always have given accolades to as a genius long before his time.

BigBrother

Making nice right now. Holding on until the foundation breaks. Until I see my out. Until I feel secure to go it alone. Until everything is in it’s place. Until then, you go ahead and keep sucking up to those who made me not see through you all these years. The reason you changed your tune and flipped a 180°, because you saw green. As soon as you heard we were back in, cha-ching, I’m of value to you, and you want to play again and think that maybe, just maybe you can tow the line and hang on till their end. Heck, it can’t be too much longer now, can it? Surprise, surprise, I’ll be long gone before they will and so will their money, and you won’t be getting any of it just like the original deal was. Takes one to know one, and maybe he did have something right after all. Maybe he did really see you for what you were from the get go. Maybe that was one of the few things I should have listened to him about all those years ago…Cluster B’s are a cluster. I’m sure you’ll slip soon enough to make it unbearable enough where it will be easy and the right time. Until then…Hanging by a watchful moment here with you.

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/02/24/your-daily-word-prompt-watchful-february-24-2019/

 

Real Eyes

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“Real eyes realize real lies” –Unknown

Earning my doctorate degree in acting. Hanging on and playing my role until I can get myself in the position I need to feel comfortable with my exit strategy. I’m sure I’m suspected. I’m sure all of the current road blocks we’re strategically planted. I’m sure it’s all a ruse just to delay my intentions, to make it harder, to make me second guess myself, to keep me roped in. News flash. Nothing will work. It might stall, it may derail temporarily, but when my mind is made up, nothing will shake me from my course. It may take me longer to get there. And that is why it sometimes takes me longer to make my mind up with larger life decisions, because once I do decide, I don’t turn back. I see it all, plain as day. There is no pulling the wool over my eyes any longer. Even if I occasionally falsely accuse, I live no longer in naivete. I call your shots before you make them. I predict your moves before you make them. You read like a faithful old book that I’ve read a thousand times. One day I will step in to my new life. I’m on the path. My eyes see through the veil to the other side. I can see all obstacles in my way, but I can still see the other side. Because my eyes are real.

 

 

Pageant

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Beauty only my eye beholds now.

6 word story. December Reflection

 

 

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2018/12/09/your-daily-word-prompt-pageant-December-9-2018/

Looking Glass

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To move forward, I must rewind…

6 Word Story Challenge

 

#6WordsBetter

No particular hurry

Gambler

Right now I’m in no hurry to fold. The longer I can sit at the table, the longer I have to set my affairs in order. I know how to read every face that’s made. I can see right through the shades meant to hide his lyin’ eyes. He’s trying to call my bluff, but he should know by now that I never bluff when I play cards. But I’m finally calling his. Right now I’m slowly walking away, but when I am fully ready, I will be running full speed ahead. I have my particular timeline in mind. Some days are much harder than others to keep a poker face. No matter, should I need to go all in, I am prepared if need be. But I hope to draw out the game to suit my benefit a wee bit longer. Until not only will he be all out of aces, but then all will be in my hand.

Song of the day: The Gambler by Kenny Rogers

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/particular/

A Riff in Time

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Jazz has never been my strong suit when it comes to playing music on the instruments I perform on. I have played in jazz bands before, and I can simulate the style with ease, but when it comes to improvising a riff, forget it. My creativity goes to hell in a hand basket.

I am an extremely creative person in many areas of my life, but when it comes to music, the area I have studied the most, an area that one would call creative, is one that I feel stifled in due to my classical training. I am highly glued to the written page.

I recently joined the group pictured above as a permanent sub on Sax to work on my sax chops since it is the instrument that I probably get the least performance opportunities on. It is a jazz orchestra, but it doesn’t require much to any improv, thank the heavens above. But it will at least help me to hone the jazz style once again to help me become even more versatile.

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These are pictures of the two musicals I have played that have required the most instruments in one show. The first picture is from the one I just got done playing this past weekend. As of right now, I own 10 different wind instruments. I recently did a photo shoot with all of my instruments. The photographer is still working on tweaking the photos, so I don’t have them yet. Unfortunately, I forgot one of the 10 when we went for the shoot. Which drives me crazy. So I am looking for an excuse now to purchase another auxiliary instrument so I can do a reshoot with her to get it right.

The photographer’s boyfriend mixes different sound clips and makes his own beat samples and has been talking about having me come up with some wind instrument riffs to go along with his beats. This is DEFINITELY an area I have not ventured down yet, but am open to, as long as he is willing to work with my ignorance and noviceness. Hopefully this is something I can get decent at if I keep trying as it would open even more avenues for me. I have been gaining a ton of followers on Twitter that are music producers and business promoters etc. that look for this sort of product. So I feel that I already could potentially have the connections without even trying. I have gotten very lucky on Twitter with visibility and have several verified followers and many people in the music industry following me without me seeking it out. It would be great if this all fell together somehow.

My birth cousin was looking for someone to compose a little diddy for a play she was directing at a high school. There were lyrics written where a landlady was supposed to sing a little song to herself but there was no music to go along with it. I composed a little two verse Melody for the written lyrics for the play. And I have never been much of a composer. So I am proud of myself for giving that a shot.

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This picture was from one of my first important performances back in high school. All-State Honors Band. Lately I have been sacrificing my performance career for “the good of my family” because the husband has been working all the time and that makes more money then my sporadic performances. But I am no longer wiing to sacrifice my performance career. It makes me happy. It does make me money. And it could be more steady, but it takes a while for me to get there, and I need to keep building my connections, my auxiliary instrument inventory, my playing skills and my resume in order to make that happen. And I will never get there by constantly turning opportunities down just because I don’t have a built in babysitter at my disposal or because his work has always taken more precedence because it makes more money, even if that money gets squandered away when it’s in his hands.

 

 

 

 

 

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/riff/