The Great Purge
I have always felt badly that I do not participate more in volunteer work. My daughter’s school is always asking for volunteers each year and it’s often the same moms and dads. Last school year the Girl Scout cookie mom agreed to be cookie mom for 3 troops only if she could have some help with some of the aspects of it. I couldn’t let her take on all of that by herself, so I volunteered to take over the cookie booth portion for our Brownie troop. That was a lot of work.
I decided around my 20th high school reunion to finally bring to fruition an idea I had during my 10th reunion which was to create a separate band reunion since that spanned multi-classes. I originally was trying to organize it just for the 8 classes that spanned my 4 years. It ended up turning in to a huge undertaking when I contacted the alumni director at the school to ask to use the band room so we could play together as part of the reunion. In doing so, she volunteered me to make this an official reunion that included all graduating classes.
Both of these large volunteer tasks took place during a 12 month span when my life took a dive down the rabbit hole throwing me into a deep depression, something I have never experienced in my life.
They say that when life becomes too overwhelming that you should get rid of something. Alot of somethings. And so I began that process after the band reunion took place in June 2016. The Great Purge.
I knew my life needed some major life changes. Things had been going very wrong for quite some time. My life had some major paradigm shifts all at one time. Things that although I did have some control over some of those shifts, they were necessary shifts, and ones that made me very uncomfortable and brought about alot of very final realizations, things I needed to mourn and come to terms with. And so, the more I can now purge from my life that I can feel good about gaining control about in my life can hopefully only bring about positive change now.
It started with my resolve to say “no” to extra projects and volunteer things people ask of me. Even though it takes volunteers to make so many things happen and I am so thankful for and in admiration of those who can dedicate themselves to volunteer work, I am just not one of those people. I need to keep reminding myself that those who are able to volunteer all the time might not have jobs or work as much or as many as awkward hours as I do. They may not have as many battles in life to deal with mentally as I do. They may not have the lack of babysitter options that I do. Etc…I noticed how much I was failing my family, my job and myself when I took on the two large volunteer tasks, and I cannot let those things suffer.
The next things that met The Great Purge were a horrible gaming app that sucked me in and got me spending actual money, something I’ve never done before and am so ashamed that I got sucked in to doing. This game was a master at manipulating my weakened and feeble mind at the time in to spending exorbitant amounts of money that we don’t have on a silly stupid game. (That game is Yahtzee with Friends by the way….stay away…it is the devil)…Next was Facebook (that may not be permanent, but at least it is semi-permanent-been over 2 months now).
My newest epiphany is purging all animal meat from my diet. I have always struggled with the idea of eating animals. I am a complete empath in every sense of the word. My daughter plays Minecraft (incessantly-she has Aspergers and that is her “special interest” for the past year or so) and it actually bothers me when she kills them in order to get the meat in survival mode. It bothers me that this is even a thing in a game she plays, even though it is part of the circle of life, it hurts my heart. I have always struggled with my weight anyway and my eating habits, so why not try to do this all at once. My husband is trying to eat better right now, and if we are both on the same general page at the same time it will be easier to stick to. I want to try to really commit to this. With my husband having an odd work schedule where I eat 8 dinners alone for the most part before his 6 days where we will eat together, those can hopefully be easy. Today when we went out to a little farm fall event with a corn maze and such, we ate there and I was even strong there and got the vegetable stir fry and rice.
Next I need to back on track for purging from my house which needs it terribly. The meme above is by flylady.net. If you have never checked out that website, do it. I discovered it 2 years ago and it can be life changing if I wouldn’t have sunken in to my depression. She has an amazing system for getting your life organized and is like crack to someone with OCD. She is so meticulous and gives you great ideas for how to organize your day to get and keep your house clean, keep up with chores, be efficient with your time…I need to get back to her system. I have started re-laying the groundwork and hope to have it all back in place and ready to put in to full action by the start of the new year.
I am finally feeling a little better and as if I have a little bit of a plan and am making some positive changes. I might not be there yet, but I’m better than where I was just a little while ago. I have also started using this hypnosis app at night while I sleep that I think is really starting to help. I’ve been using several different module/topic ones and I am really starting to feel a shift in my consciousness. I have never tried to be hypnotized in the middle of the day, and I have always felt like I would not be able to be. But falling asleep with this on I really think is speaking to my subconscious. It is the same concept as how they say people can hear you when they are in a coma and it is beneficial for their loved ones to come and speak to them to try and bring them out of the coma. If you can be reached and affected in that state, then the repetition can hopefully override all the other negative things that I have been told throughout my life and that I now tell myself as a result of that. It certainly can’t hurt. So I will keep trying that during the times when my husband is on shift and not sleeping at home at night. I will keep you all posted later on as to whether I really feel a few months from now if the hypnosis app has really been what has helped me turn things around and made permanent changes in my life. I was never much of a believer in it before, so if it convinces me, you might want to give it a shot yourself because I was always skeptical but have been so willing these past few months to try anything I could think of to bring about change in my life.