Enigmatic Amaryllis

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. I am hoping to get back on the proverbial horse and start posting regularly again. I have slowly been adding good habits back in to my life one at a time. So today marks the impetus of the next chapter towards my spirits salvation.

The last post I made was days before attending the Shinedown concert. Above is a picture from said concert during one of my favorite songs by them. I got to be that close to their extended stage, and they performed that favorite song of mine while on that portion of the stage. The graphics in the back are of stained glass windows, which is a perfect segue to the next portion of this post. But before that transition, I am going to make today’s post a two

Song of the Day post

Amaryllis

By: Shinedown
In a while now
I will feel better
Ill face the weather before me
In a while now ill race the irony
And buy back each word of my eulogy

All the uninvited tragedies
Step outside

Ask yourself now
Where would you be without
Days like this
When you finally collide
With the moments you cant forget

So do I remind you of
Someone you never met
A lonely sillouette
And do I remind you of
Somewhere you wanna be
So far out of reach
Oh I wish youd open up for me
‘Cause I wanna know you
Amaryllis
Bloom

Stay a while now
Undress your colors
‘Cause there like no other
Ive ever seen
I could get used to your company
Step inside

Ask yourself now
Where would you be without
Days like this
When you finally collide
With the moment you cant resist

So do I remind you of
Someone you never met
A lonely sillouette
And do I remind you of
Somewhere you wanna be
So far out of reach
Oh I wish youd open up for me
‘Cause I wanna know you
Amaryllis

In a while now
I will feel better
I will be better

So do I remind you of
Someone you never met
A lonely sillouette
And do I remind you of
Somewhere you wanna be
So far out of reach
Oh I wish youd open up for me
‘Cause I wanna know you
Amaryllis
Bloom
Amaryllis
Bloom
Amaryllis

In many of my posts I speak of my Great Depression, or my Dark Night of the Soul that began in 2015. The first thing to begin pulling me out of that and helping me gain some true clarity about my life was my “Tea Time” or my “Spirit Space”. It is truly an enigma to me how much power this ceremonial ritual can hold over me and how much it has shaped my recent path and journey. I’m not sure if I have posted on this before at all, but I know I haven’t probably posted about it in much depth. I began developing my own personalized ritual ceremony back in December of 2017 and it has been continuing to evolve and grow ever since.

I have had my share of set backs with it. I am never able to be consistent with it due to my ridiculous schedule, especially during a school year, so I am not faithful to it daily. But in the past month I have done better than I ever have since it’s inception. It began with a suggestion from my friend to develop one ritual habit, perhaps of a cup of tea to myself at say 10 pm. I had been contemplating going back to my nightly tea and sweets and adding an element of spiritualistic ritual to it at that point. I was desperate to find answers and needed guidance. I vowed to not allow my 40s be like my 30s were, and December 2017 marked my 40th birthday.

My ceremony doesn’t follow any prescribed format, though it is derived from some of the basics of a pagan altar and Wiccan tenets, but I have much of my own flair involved including some Christian based traditions, journaling, work with crystals, journaling, tea, music, candle “magic”, chakra balancing, god and goddess devotions, spirit animal devotions, daily intentions, manifesting, simple spells, cleansing, aromatherapy, sigils, divination with Oracle cards and pendulum, and other personal touches.

I am just now starting to experiment with and learn about crystal grids. I am still quite the novice and have MUCH to learn. The pictures above are the first two I have experimented with. I have a lot of research to do in this area. I am fascinated by this subset and am excited to learn more. It is quite involved and very intricate when learning to do it right and with correctly set intention and meaning. The two I created here are mainly just on intuition and not through much knowledge.

These Oracle cards are readings I got from the other night which are quite accurate when I asked for what we’re the most important things I needed to know right now in my current path and journey. I used two different decks. The top picture is the deck I am most comfortable with where I did a past, present and future reading and the bottom picture is my newest deck that I only pulled one card to help me familiarize myself more with the deck.

This candle is a Yin and Yang candle I got at an Illuminate Crystal Fest. The very first time I lit it, the two crystals moved together within the first half hour and snuffed the wick out and wouldnt allow me to relight it. I began an email thread with the candle maker to see if I could return it and have her send me a new one. During this thread, it was very enlightening for many reasons. That dialogue and the contemplation of what it all meant also caused me to post about it in a group on FB asking others takes on the higher meaning of it. Some of the things I learned from this experience are….The crystals were probably drawn to each other and wanted to be closer together. Even though they are supposed to represent opposite polarities, they are drawn together. Upon reflecting that I needed to treat my polarities as more of an integration rather than a separation, I came to an epiphany regarding how I see it represented in my favorite colors (also representative of my dual identities from my opposite birth parents, also resulting in alot of inner conflict and turmoil). I have said for a long time that my favorite colors are black (my birth dad) and rainbow (my birth mom). This also is very representative of my moods and attitudes. But when I thought of this as an integration, what is black but all of the colors of the rainbow at once rather than as a separation of them. Black encompasses all colors, it is all colors.

Since getting back to my spirit Space more vehemently, it has been unfathomable how much strength I have found inside of myself and how much wisdom I feel intuitively about my path. Even if I am walking it slowly, I feel an inner confidence like never before that I know the path and am walking the path. It just might take me a little while longer to walk it after having 41 years worth of muck to shake off and swampland to trek through. But I am getting there.

Other song of the day:

Return to Innocence

By: Enigma

That’s not the beginning of the end
That’s the return to yourself
The return to innocence.

Love
Devotion
Feeling
Emotion

Love
Devotion
Feeling
Emotion

Don’t be afraid to be weak
Don’t be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence.

If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don’t hide
Just believe in destiny.

Don’t care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don’t give up and use the chance
To return to innocence.

That’s not the beginning of the end
That’s the return to yourself
The return to innocence.

Don’t care what people say
Follow just your own way
Follow just your own way
Don’t give up, don’t give up
To return, to return to innocence.

If you want then laugh
If you must then cry
Be yourself don’t hide
Just believe in destiny.

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/07/28/your-daily-word-prompt-unfathomable-july-28-2019/

Suffocate to freedom

Another day,

Another dollar,

Another dish,

Another holler.

 

Is this to what I’ve been reduced?

 

Where are the floodlit stages,

The music filled pages,

The circumstance and pomp,

The willowing womp?

 

For it is mine that takes a

back seat,

lack street.

Just because it doesn’t earn as much

cash flow,

roll in dough.

 

But at least with mine I

stretch it out,

fetch it out.

With yours, you only

hide it,

snide it.

 

I’m sick of all the

secrets, lies,

vices, ties.

 

It makes me cringe,

come unhinged.

 

Once I learn to free myself,

I can be myself.

I will suffocate no more.

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/cringe/

Emotional Rollercoaster

I know I’ve been MIA a bit…with my stepdaughter moving back in after her break up with her boyfriend and subsequent stay in the psych hospital, my life has been turned upside down again. I know this is the time I need to write the most, but I just haven’t even been able to pull myself together enough to do that. This is why I’m just trying to even drop this little note to get back in to it, even if only the first step. At least it serves as a reminder of what I need to do to keep sane through a time I can already feel myself sliding down a slippery slope, very quickly. As things start to settle in, I will make it a priority again to get back to writing here. It is essential for my well being. I haven’t even been able to express myself through my music, because the school year came to a culmination and I hadn’t even been able to get myself together enough to email everyone about scheduling, especially since I teach a decent amount out of my house, and my house has been a holy wreck for a month now due to my crazy end of the year recital stuff and my step daughter moving back in, which entails a whole ton of moving things around within our house to get a room ready for her again and moving a lot in to a storage unit. One big ball of chaos and in flux again. I just don’t know how much more of this life (style) I can handle. I’m tired of my life being shaken up by everyone else. It might be time for me to do some shaking of my own…

Twisted Timbers

This weekend we spent in Kings Dominion. It was the first time we had been there since the new roller coaster “Twisted Timbers” had opened. That’s the one you see in the background there, stuck, halfway up the first chainpull hill…..Much of our trip this weekend was twisted like that. Our favorite mainstay coaster has been closed from park open to park close the last 4 times we’ve been to the park between last year and this year, that’s the Volcano. So this year, let’s see if I can even get this all correct…not only was the Volcano closed both days, we go to get on the Flight of Fear and it closes 2 rides away from us getting on board. Then we went back to it later only to get on it and actually get stuck WHILE on the ride. That’s right….as in, it took off, because it’s a linear induction coaster, 0-54 mph in 4 seconds and then right up in to an upside down loop. We made it halfway through the loop and came back down. Had to be pushed back to the station by 7 maintenance men and disembark. We didn’t get twisted enough on that coaster. Then I took the picture above of Twisted Timbers to send to my husband while he was checking in at the hotel to let him know as a warning that it was getting stuck too since we hadn’t even gotten on that one yet. After dinner we got on line for that one, got in the car, and had to get out before leaving the station. Someone’s harness didn’t seem to be registering or was going down and popping back up. It was seat number 51, whatever was going on. So we had to wait another 20 or so minutes before that was taken care of before we could FINALLY get on that ride. Which, by the way, was an AMAZING coaster. It is the only wooden and steel combo coaster on the east coast US and man did it take me by surprise as being way better than I thought it would be. Killer coaster of anyone lives over here and has the chance to go there. By nightfall, we start walking the queue for the Rebel Yell, get all the way up there to find out they closed it for the night….Sick, Twisted day.

The following day was no better, at any given time there were 3-4 coasters shut down at a time. That’s insidious for an amusement park. They shouldn’t be having that many problems with coasters on a daily basis, especially when they have people on them and they are getting stuck. Way not cool captains. I have anxiety, and I’m glad that anxiety didn’t really bother me with getting stuck on that coaster. Would it have been half way up a hill, I very well might have had some issues considering my fear of heights. If I would ever have to walk down the stairs on a hill from a coaster, I’d be no good sister….but that Twisted Timbers, check it out if you can….sweet ride ya’ll 😝

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/photo-challenges/twisted/

 

Me and Tea Time

Many people are an either or: Coffee or Tea. I am Tea. Tea has become ritualistic. It has not become habitual yet, which I actually want it to be. It is something I do savor and revel in. I tie it to spiritual rituals, and that is why it hasn’t quite become habitual yet. I also struggle with drinking hot drinks when it is hot outside as well. Spiritual rituals are something that are very personal that I only engage in when I am alone, or when everyone is asleep, and at times I am too tired or too mentally worn out to get everything set up in the way I like to engage in my spiritual ceremonies. And so, I need to come up with some other ways to express and celebrate “Me and Tea Time” rituals without all the Pomp and Circumstance so that it can become more habitual. I am currently brainstorming on ways to shorten the length of the ritual, internalize the ceremony so that I can turn it inward in to more of a meditative state so that if others are present I can still have my time without being intrusive.

The picture is of a tea set I got for Christmas several years ago and only took out this year. It is aesthetically beautiful. I can’t say that it is my favorite in terms of flavor, as I personally prefer more herbal teas. But I truly loved watching the process of the blooming tea steep. It has such a calming and peaceful effect on the mind and soul. There are a couple of blooming teas that claim to be herbal teas as well which I plan to purchase and try with the hopes that they will satisfy both my taste buds and my aesthetic buds.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/photo-challenges/liquid/

Lines, Lines, Everywhere Lines

My daily life is permeated by lines. Lines everywhere. I am a musician: performer and instructor. The picture above is my music studio office at one of the schools I teach at. It is one huge conglomeration of a myriad of lines. Written music, the lines where the walls meet, the memes that I decorate with, the artwork I made which was more of a logical art piece that was a mathematical presentation in an artwork of a musical composition, one of my favorite flute pieces which is hanging on the wall towards the window (also made of lines itself). There are chairs, my flute, a music stand, bulletin boards, ceiling tiles, etc….All of which are very Stark and straight lines. There are also more fluid or curvy lines such as those of the trees peeking outside my window, the pictures inside some of the artwork hanging on my walls, the fluid lines of the clefs on the large staff paper on the wall on the far right which contains theories of a research project that is part of my life’s work that I intend to see to fruition and that I hope will be a part of my legacy and that I truly believe in and that I truly think could make a notable difference in the music field.

I read music all day long. Music is written on paper, paper made of 4 lines. The music itself that I and my students translate and transmute in to sound is transcribed on 5 horizontal lines and 4 spaces called a staff. There are vertical lines that divide the staff in to measures, which sort of punctuates the music and keeps it from looking like one gigantic run on sentence. The rhythm/length of the notes are notated by vertical and/or horizontal lines as well. The sharps, flats and naturals all contain lines. The articulations, how a musician tongues the note are mostly made of lines, some curvy and some are straight edged. And if any of those lines are printed in any deviation from what the musician holds in their brain to be associated with a specific note or rhythm, an unnecessary mistake will often occur. This is in a very raw form part of the basis of my research project. I am able to predict which printing variances produce specific mistakes and I believe I have figured out a way to make a preemptive strike against the potential and often iminent mistakes before they happen to many musicians, especially younger student musicians. I just need to get the right people to hear my theory and solution and I am confident that I can make a tremendous impact on the future of music education and performance consistency. The picture of the sheet music is one of my students exercises that is riddled with some of the deviations that have caused her several mistakes that I believe could have been avoided once I am able to develop my method once I find the company backing I am in search and in need of to get my idea off the ground. Fingers crossed to find the person who will be the right advocate soon.

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/photo-challenges/lines-2018/

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/notable/

R-U-S2uPid Happy?

The title actually reads: Are you Stupid happy? Just in case you didn’t get that. It’s a pun on R2D2….Because I’m stupid happy in this picture here when I met R2D2 in person. That is one serious smile right there. I know it’s just a robot. But it was so beyond cool. I am a Star Wars fan. I only started liking Star Wars in college when an ex boyfriend, a psychologically abusive one at that, made me go watch, for the first time, the original trilogy when they were re-released. But my love for R2D2 started long before that. I watched Sesame Street when I was little. And they always had guest stars on. And the original run of Star Wars came out around the time I was little and watching Sesame Street, so R2 and C3PO were always on. And I loved R2 from moment I saw him on the screen. I don’t know what it was.

I have him on my keychain

I used to have him as my device charger in the car, but it stopped working properly 😪 It would bleep and blurp every time I turned the car on.

I even have the Lego version of him that was my own set! He is out most of the year.

So when he was there at Lego Fest that I took my daughter to last year I seriously had a cow. He was there with all the bleeps and blurps and then some, real life sized. Here is the video from it….the camera shaking is me jumping up and down like a little freaking kid because I’m so happy. And thats me towards the end calling out “I love you R2″….It’s really ridiculous how happy I got over this….

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/photo-challenges/smile/

My favorite place-WPC

My favorite place isn’t one single place, but rather an omnipresence. My favorite place is the stage. Whether it is the solo stage (on any of my three instruments), the stage with my trio, the stage with my quintet or the stage having fun singing karaoke. The stage is where I feel at home and alive with vigor. I crave the stage more than I have the time to pursue. I can only hope that one day, when the job of motherhood becomes less demanding, that I will still be qualified to grace the stage with my presence.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/photo-challenges/favorite-place/

Rainy Day-Foto Challenge

Rainy Day and Rainbow. Today’s foto challenge from Cee is rain and rainbow and my 10 year old daughter just HAPPENED to have already drawn and colored this picture earlier tonight, which encapsulates both. She chose the rainy day subject because she got out of school early today due to the freezing rain, and she will now be off of school tomorrow as well due to the wintry mix/snow storm headed our way. And she just takes after her mom who loves to draw and color 🌈 rainbows (even though we don’t have a valance on the window she was drawing, that was purely her imagination.

Cee’s Fun Foto Challenge

I’d rather be

Left to Right/Top to Bottom

1) On roller coasters/in Theme Parks (pictured: my favorite-Rip Ride Rocket in Universal Studios Orlando)

2) Dancing: Ballet in particular-I miss it terribly and wish I would have done more as a kid. I wish I had more time as an adult to take classes again

3) Martial Arts: Specifically Tang Soo Do-the style I have my Black Belt in-I also miss this terribly and wish I had more time to take classes again

4) Dressing in Harry Potter gear with the family and doing Harry Potter activities

5) Karaoke-nuff said

6) Performing in Concerto Concerts-Ive only had the opportunity to do this twice, once in college and the time pictured here in 2012

7) Performing in pit orchestras- something I hope to do more of as my daughter gets older and I have the time

8) Art/Painting- I only do it when I am inspired, but I also lack the time even when I am inspired at times to even start. This was my last major artwork

9) Rock Concerts: meeting rock stars I idolize: me with Nelson

10) With the family at Rock Concerts

11) Again at Rock Concerts meeting rock stars: with husband and Geoff Tate of Queensryche

12) Watching my daughter play drums in band concerts

And still I have so many more hobbies than this….this just scratches the surface…..

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/photo-challenges/rather/