Is this to what I’ve been reduced?
Where are the floodlit stages,
The music filled pages,
The circumstance and pomp,
The willowing womp?
For it is mine that takes a
Just because it doesn’t earn as much
roll in dough.
But at least with mine I
stretch it out,
fetch it out.
With yours, you only
I’m sick of all the
It makes me cringe,
Once I learn to free myself,
I can be myself.
I will suffocate no more.
I know I’ve been MIA a bit…with my stepdaughter moving back in after her break up with her boyfriend and subsequent stay in the psych hospital, my life has been turned upside down again. I know this is the time I need to write the most, but I just haven’t even been able to pull myself together enough to do that. This is why I’m just trying to even drop this little note to get back in to it, even if only the first step. At least it serves as a reminder of what I need to do to keep sane through a time I can already feel myself sliding down a slippery slope, very quickly. As things start to settle in, I will make it a priority again to get back to writing here. It is essential for my well being. I haven’t even been able to express myself through my music, because the school year came to a culmination and I hadn’t even been able to get myself together enough to email everyone about scheduling, especially since I teach a decent amount out of my house, and my house has been a holy wreck for a month now due to my crazy end of the year recital stuff and my step daughter moving back in, which entails a whole ton of moving things around within our house to get a room ready for her again and moving a lot in to a storage unit. One big ball of chaos and in flux again. I just don’t know how much more of this life (style) I can handle. I’m tired of my life being shaken up by everyone else. It might be time for me to do some shaking of my own…
This weekend we spent in Kings Dominion. It was the first time we had been there since the new roller coaster “Twisted Timbers” had opened. That’s the one you see in the background there, stuck, halfway up the first chainpull hill…..Much of our trip this weekend was twisted like that. Our favorite mainstay coaster has been closed from park open to park close the last 4 times we’ve been to the park between last year and this year, that’s the Volcano. So this year, let’s see if I can even get this all correct…not only was the Volcano closed both days, we go to get on the Flight of Fear and it closes 2 rides away from us getting on board. Then we went back to it later only to get on it and actually get stuck WHILE on the ride. That’s right….as in, it took off, because it’s a linear induction coaster, 0-54 mph in 4 seconds and then right up in to an upside down loop. We made it halfway through the loop and came back down. Had to be pushed back to the station by 7 maintenance men and disembark. We didn’t get twisted enough on that coaster. Then I took the picture above of Twisted Timbers to send to my husband while he was checking in at the hotel to let him know as a warning that it was getting stuck too since we hadn’t even gotten on that one yet. After dinner we got on line for that one, got in the car, and had to get out before leaving the station. Someone’s harness didn’t seem to be registering or was going down and popping back up. It was seat number 51, whatever was going on. So we had to wait another 20 or so minutes before that was taken care of before we could FINALLY get on that ride. Which, by the way, was an AMAZING coaster. It is the only wooden and steel combo coaster on the east coast US and man did it take me by surprise as being way better than I thought it would be. Killer coaster of anyone lives over here and has the chance to go there. By nightfall, we start walking the queue for the Rebel Yell, get all the way up there to find out they closed it for the night….Sick, Twisted day.
The following day was no better, at any given time there were 3-4 coasters shut down at a time. That’s insidious for an amusement park. They shouldn’t be having that many problems with coasters on a daily basis, especially when they have people on them and they are getting stuck. Way not cool captains. I have anxiety, and I’m glad that anxiety didn’t really bother me with getting stuck on that coaster. Would it have been half way up a hill, I very well might have had some issues considering my fear of heights. If I would ever have to walk down the stairs on a hill from a coaster, I’d be no good sister….but that Twisted Timbers, check it out if you can….sweet ride ya’ll 😝
Many people are an either or: Coffee or Tea. I am Tea. Tea has become ritualistic. It has not become habitual yet, which I actually want it to be. It is something I do savor and revel in. I tie it to spiritual rituals, and that is why it hasn’t quite become habitual yet. I also struggle with drinking hot drinks when it is hot outside as well. Spiritual rituals are something that are very personal that I only engage in when I am alone, or when everyone is asleep, and at times I am too tired or too mentally worn out to get everything set up in the way I like to engage in my spiritual ceremonies. And so, I need to come up with some other ways to express and celebrate “Me and Tea Time” rituals without all the Pomp and Circumstance so that it can become more habitual. I am currently brainstorming on ways to shorten the length of the ritual, internalize the ceremony so that I can turn it inward in to more of a meditative state so that if others are present I can still have my time without being intrusive.
The picture is of a tea set I got for Christmas several years ago and only took out this year. It is aesthetically beautiful. I can’t say that it is my favorite in terms of flavor, as I personally prefer more herbal teas. But I truly loved watching the process of the blooming tea steep. It has such a calming and peaceful effect on the mind and soul. There are a couple of blooming teas that claim to be herbal teas as well which I plan to purchase and try with the hopes that they will satisfy both my taste buds and my aesthetic buds.
My daily life is permeated by lines. Lines everywhere. I am a musician: performer and instructor. The picture above is my music studio office at one of the schools I teach at. It is one huge conglomeration of a myriad of lines. Written music, the lines where the walls meet, the memes that I decorate with, the artwork I made which was more of a logical art piece that was a mathematical presentation in an artwork of a musical composition, one of my favorite flute pieces which is hanging on the wall towards the window (also made of lines itself). There are chairs, my flute, a music stand, bulletin boards, ceiling tiles, etc….All of which are very Stark and straight lines. There are also more fluid or curvy lines such as those of the trees peeking outside my window, the pictures inside some of the artwork hanging on my walls, the fluid lines of the clefs on the large staff paper on the wall on the far right which contains theories of a research project that is part of my life’s work that I intend to see to fruition and that I hope will be a part of my legacy and that I truly believe in and that I truly think could make a notable difference in the music field.
I read music all day long. Music is written on paper, paper made of 4 lines. The music itself that I and my students translate and transmute in to sound is transcribed on 5 horizontal lines and 4 spaces called a staff. There are vertical lines that divide the staff in to measures, which sort of punctuates the music and keeps it from looking like one gigantic run on sentence. The rhythm/length of the notes are notated by vertical and/or horizontal lines as well. The sharps, flats and naturals all contain lines. The articulations, how a musician tongues the note are mostly made of lines, some curvy and some are straight edged. And if any of those lines are printed in any deviation from what the musician holds in their brain to be associated with a specific note or rhythm, an unnecessary mistake will often occur. This is in a very raw form part of the basis of my research project. I am able to predict which printing variances produce specific mistakes and I believe I have figured out a way to make a preemptive strike against the potential and often iminent mistakes before they happen to many musicians, especially younger student musicians. I just need to get the right people to hear my theory and solution and I am confident that I can make a tremendous impact on the future of music education and performance consistency. The picture of the sheet music is one of my students exercises that is riddled with some of the deviations that have caused her several mistakes that I believe could have been avoided once I am able to develop my method once I find the company backing I am in search and in need of to get my idea off the ground. Fingers crossed to find the person who will be the right advocate soon.
The title actually reads: Are you Stupid happy? Just in case you didn’t get that. It’s a pun on R2D2….Because I’m stupid happy in this picture here when I met R2D2 in person. That is one serious smile right there. I know it’s just a robot. But it was so beyond cool. I am a Star Wars fan. I only started liking Star Wars in college when an ex boyfriend, a psychologically abusive one at that, made me go watch, for the first time, the original trilogy when they were re-released. But my love for R2D2 started long before that. I watched Sesame Street when I was little. And they always had guest stars on. And the original run of Star Wars came out around the time I was little and watching Sesame Street, so R2 and C3PO were always on. And I loved R2 from moment I saw him on the screen. I don’t know what it was.
I have him on my keychain
I used to have him as my device charger in the car, but it stopped working properly 😪 It would bleep and blurp every time I turned the car on.
I even have the Lego version of him that was my own set! He is out most of the year.
So when he was there at Lego Fest that I took my daughter to last year I seriously had a cow. He was there with all the bleeps and blurps and then some, real life sized. Here is the video from it….the camera shaking is me jumping up and down like a little freaking kid because I’m so happy. And thats me towards the end calling out “I love you R2″….It’s really ridiculous how happy I got over this….
My favorite place isn’t one single place, but rather an omnipresence. My favorite place is the stage. Whether it is the solo stage (on any of my three instruments), the stage with my trio, the stage with my quintet or the stage having fun singing karaoke. The stage is where I feel at home and alive with vigor. I crave the stage more than I have the time to pursue. I can only hope that one day, when the job of motherhood becomes less demanding, that I will still be qualified to grace the stage with my presence.