Quote Challenge 2.0-Day 2

This is my first nomination for anything and I am ecstatic! Especially because it is in one of my favorite realms. QUOTES! I was nominated by Lizardin

A huge thank you for my first awesomely exciting nomination!

Rules:

  1. Thank the person who nominated you.
  2. Post a quote for three consecutive days (1 quote for each day).
  3. Share why this quote appeals so much to you.
  4. Nominate 3 different bloggers for each day.

 

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Quote Challenge 2.0 Day 1

This is my first nomination for anything and I am ecstatic! Especially because it is in one of my favorite realms. QUOTES! I was nominated by Lizardin

A huge thank you for my first awesomely exciting nomination!

Rules:

  1. Thank the person who nominated you.
  2. Post a quote for three consecutive days (1 quote for each day).
  3. Share why this quote appeals so much to you.
  4. Nominate 3 different bloggers for each day.

 

Day 1 quote:

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I truly wish that I would have had the foresight when I was younger to know that it was so much better to embrace my uniqueness. I wish this was a value every child could understand when they are young, but unfortunately, this is a concept that requires experience to fully grasp. But there are so many wasted years trying to be someone children are not out of the desire to fit in. I see my 10 year old struggling with this every day.

I nominate the following bloggers for this challenge today…

Plisca Place

Lizzy’s Poetry

Oh, Border!

 

 

 

Down to a glimmer

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A friend asked, “Did you see the sun today.” I had told her that I hadn’t looked at it and asked if there was something particularly special about it that day. She didn’t respond.

Today she asked me that same question, about 2 weeks after asking the first time. This time, I catch on there’s more to this question. This is a very deep question. When I asked her if it was meant to be a figurative question her response to me was: Answer how you see fit. If you think it’s figurative, take it that way. If you think it’s literal, answer that way. Don’t over analyze.

My response for today was: I am finally seeing the sun emerging from a 40 year solar eclipse for the first time today…..I forgot to purchase the special solar eclipse glasses for it though because I wasn’t prepared for it, so it hurt my eyes. But lit the way for the remainder of days.

My answer was obviously of a figurative and allegorical nature. She said also that: sometimes there is beauty in the literal as well.

I love this question. Especially as I M emerging from my dark night of the soul. I can also think of different variations I can ask myself or ask one of my other friends who I also have deep, spiritual, psychological conversations with.

Today’s allegory relates to my birthmom and a realization I had been slowly coming to, but that she just unmasked all at once in one swift blow today. I was originally going to put my entire story rant here to words, but after rehashing it all with two of my closest friends today, I am out of energy and psychologically exhausted. I will skim the basics.

I waited 36 years to finally have her in my life. If you would have asked me 36 hours ago if I would have wanted her out of my life, my answer would have been a solid no. But after one little meme that she passive aggressively posted on Facebook only 30 minutes after a text conversation we had, my answer now is that it will depend on how she handles things in upcoming months. It only took one little meme to bring up in me feelings and anger that I never had before. Feelings that most adoptees do have for their birthmoms, and I never had. I thought things were different between us. I thought she was different. But all it took was me telling her, after her baiting me by asking if my depression had anything to do with her and me simply answering her that there were some components of our relationship that I needed to work through with her at some point but that I needed to handle a couple of other things in my life first. She directly told me, ok whatever I needed. But then proceeded to post the following meme on Facebook 30 minutes after our text conversation where I could see it.

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The part that really triggered me??? “it is not my job to take responsibility for others”….reminder who I am talking about here….My birthmom….who gave me up for adoption…..never once was I upset with her for doing so, never once was I angry. One of my biggest beefs with her right now is her issues with me over my relationship with the man (birthdad) that she created me with. But it’s not her job to take responsibility for others? Ummmm, yes, it was her job to take responsibility for me 40 years ago, and she didn’t. She got rid of me, not knowing what would happen to me. I never once looked at it that way, until today when I saw that meme with those words. Simply because she doesn’t want to face me being upset with her over something, so she needs to tell herself I’m not her responsibility. Her light is fading fast in my life. She is down to a glimmer of hope. Oddly enough, when I looked up the dictionary definition of glimmer (I always like to look them up, even when I am more than acquainted with the definition just to see if there is some anecdote to spring from), what should come up as the example in a sentence but the use of it with her name no less. The synchronicities in life sometimes astound me. I had already planned to write this post about this situation and her.

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https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/glimmer/

Fly from the inside

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My song of the day pick. From my playlist that came on today and feels fitting to my mood. Because I’m finding a way to steal the sun from the sky. I’m learning to fly from the inside, for once in my life. I’m one of the few who doesn’t wear a mask which is why I am always searching to connect but I will always be alone piercing the chain.

I am luminescent

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I, myself, by the very definitions,

Am luminescent.

I have evolved to new forms.

Converged what is genealogically encoded in me,

Merged with that which is environmentally subjected upon me,

And I radiate from within.

It has only been the chemical changes, the motions and changes of the subatomic particles within me

Rather than any heat induction (read: love)

Only the cold I am left with,

That illuminate my soul

For all to bear witness.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/luminescent/

My song of the day:

“One Light”
By: Skid Row

There’s a sound in my head
Holy wine, breakin’ bread
between time and what we said
drifts the innocence we’ve shed

In this moment there’s a day
for a sad and broken babe
there’s a fracture on this hallowed ground where we lay

One light burns, one light fades
Behind the door are better days
When the light shines on me
I’ll know the world still turns
One light burns, one light burns

There’s a prayer on the wall
One by one say them all
Why we run before we crawl
Stands the reason that we fall
In the flower there’s a field
Sublime but so surreal
There’s a fracture on this sacred ground to be healed

One light burns, one light fades
Behind the door are better days
When the light shines on me
I’ll know the world still turns
One light burns, one light burns
One light burns

[Solo]

One light burns, one light fades
Behind the door are better days
When the light shines on me
I’ll know the world still turns

 

Only fools rush in

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And so I will start where I left off 2 days ago. In my post “Perception”, I left off with the following quote from the TV show of the same name:

Does free will exist? Do I exert conscious control over my actions? Did I do that on purpose? Or was I forced to do it by some unseen neural process? Fact is, most of the neuro scientific data suggests free will is an illusion. But if that’s true, are we simply meat puppets? All of our choices made for us? -Daniel Pierce

Here is what the band Rush has to say on the matter of free will….

But then, do they in a later album contradict themselves within these lyrics?

So, now let us examine a couple of terms and definitions that are often argued and contemplated when philosophizing about freewill.

Pre-Determinism: the idea that the entire past (as well as the future) was determined at the origin of the universe.

Casual Determinism: Causal determinists believe that there is nothing in the universe that is uncaused or self-caused.

The basic scientific idea of hereditary determination fulfills the definition of causal determinism, a metaphysical concept.

Determinism: Determinism is the philosophical idea that every event or state of affairs, including every human decision and action, is the inevitable and necessary consequence of antecedent states of affairs.

Determination: Determination is the  idea that our decisions are determined by our motives and deliberations, by our character and values, and by our feelings and desires. The idea that events (including human actions) can be adequately determined by immediately prior events (such as an agent’s reasons, motives, desires), without being pre-determined back to before the agent’s birth or even back to the origin of the universe.

Free will:

the power of acting without the constraint of necessity or fate; the ability to act at one’s own discretion.
synonyms: self-determination, freedom of choice, autonomylibertyindependence

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The photo meme above was one that was generated by one of those Facebook “find your quote of the year, made specially for you” sites….It is of value to this meandering…I would like to start here and work backwards through the definitions. The canvas analogy of this quote resonated in me as an Adoptee because in many ways I felt like a blank canvas with no reference picture, as I was not brought up around my birthfamily. I was floundering around as a child, always trying to fit in, trying to draw from those in my environment, but always knowing that the boxes I was trying to fit in to were not who I was deep inside. By high school and college, the true me, my true identity, emerged and it was very different from anyone I was raised around. When I finally got in touch with my birthfamilies, it was uncanny how much of the identity that I was so drawn to, that emerged despite never having met them until I was in my late 30s, was a perfect blend of my birthmom and birthdad. My identity seems to me (to use the terms within the confines of this argument), to be a casual determinism. In fact, no matter how hard my adoptive parents have tried to quash that identity, it has remained in tact, partially out of choice, partially because it is “who I was”, despite never knowing this on the conscious level at that time.

Moving along to the actual definitions and debate.

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Back in college I took several social science classes, a variety of psychology classes, philosophy classes (even one of my math requirement classes was a blended math/philosophy class), sociology, social psychology etc….I will admit it has been some time since I have read up on the classic Philosophers, and unfortunately, due to my ADHD, one of my coping techniques was to purge the info I learned for each exam in order to learn the info for the next exam. Sadly, I have not retained much of my knowledge. So, what I put forth may not be factually accurate and may have already been covered by someone, and I may be behind the game on this one. I am only beginning to re-emerge in to the world of research and knowledge seeking, so please forgive any indiscretions and misinformation.

My opinion on free will simply boils down to what is stated in the above meme. “You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequence of your choice.” I do believe that the definitions of the terms work in conjunction with each other, in the consecutive order that I listed them. I believe we do all have free will, that we are free to choose, and make any choice we want, but that our choices are influenced by all of the factors (Pre-Determinism, Casual Determinism, Determinism and Determination). We ultimately have to answer to our own minds (as that is the main jail cell we are stuck in 24/7), and then there is the other barrage of possible consequences, depending upon what the choice to be made is. Those who are religiously minded have the fear of their higher power looking over them as a consequence. There is fear of losing some type of relationship as a possible outcome. Fear of losing income, or a job. Somehow, free will seems to coincide with a decision between something that could possibly be beneficial and something that could potentially be harmful or negative in some way. There always seems to be that “what if” chance on the other side of free will. Do I have the free will to leave my house right now and go for a drive in my car? Absolutely. No one is stopping me. Someone else might choose to do so under the given circumstances. Nothing really bad happened. Just some negative energy. Could getting out the house right now possibly be beneficial? Maybe. Would it really do much harm? No. My daughter just went up to go to bed. My husband is home. I wouldn’t be endangering anyone. But it also raises the risk of me getting in to a car accident by being on the road later at night. There really aren’t any places for me to go other than bars at this point, and I’m not a drinker. So what is the benefit? Not much. Options are weighed and there seems less benefit to it than it is worth. But do I have the free will? Yes. Could I exercise it if I choose to? Yes. I choose not to (even though it was really only a hypothetical situation that I came up with merely for this mental experiment). And I still have made a choice not to have to decide, as Rush points out in their song.

Regardless of any one person’s decision, the world will still keep on turning, until the day it doesn’t. So everyone is free to decide however they choose. But they are not free from the consequences (good or bad) of those choices. Even if one person is the reason for the final act that causes the extinction of the world as we know it, there will always be acts and people involved in those steps leading up to it that played their role. No person is ever a complete lone soldier in their mission.

Free will, always something leading up to it, always free to use it, always a consequence and outcome from it. Only fools rush in…

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/rush/