Transgender origins

ninjadragonlings

I often have pretty random thoughts, that I personally think are insight from another realm. These random thoughts are often not based on any research, and when I do research them, I often find nothing to support my idea. Meaning that it has not been researched or possibly even explored or thought of. While that may make it seem like my ideas are far-fetched and caused by my eccentricity, I beg to reason that every time tested theory began as a wild idea at some point, something that people thought was completely far-fetched and impossible.

I often receive many of my answers to life’s questions in the same manner that I download these random thoughts. While I have no background in science and the medical field whatsoever, I feel that there are some things that I have an innate ‘knowing’ about. Perhaps, if you believe in reincarnation, I was in the medical field in a past life and have carried over some of the natural logic in to this life with me. My husband often makes fun of me for “over-diagnosing” everyone and everything, but I am often right. While many of the things I have proven to be right on have not been proven by scientific tests, after I have come up with a medical diagnosis theory on someone, I have ended up having a doctor confirm those diagnoses or some other piece of hard evidence favor my opinion. For example, years ago I began to suspect I had ADHD. While I know this is a very over-diagnosed syndrome, I found definitive relief in taking medication for it. Years later when I found my birth family, I found out that ADHD ran in my genetic line, one of the few things that my birthdad mentioned when I asked about any health concerns on his side.

So, this particular random thought of which I speak is regarding children/people who end up being transgender. My daughter has Asperger’s, and often with Autism and Asperger’s, many of the children end up being transgender or more comfortable dressing as and acting more in the role of the opposite sex than the one they were born in. This is mentioned in what is considered by many to be “The Bible” of Asperger’s research, the book by Tony Attwood about Asperger’s Syndrome. My daughter started to show many signs of feeling more comfortable with boys toys and speaking of wishing she was a boy as early as age 5. She is now 11 and cut her hair in a “boy cut” 2 years ago. Most people who don’t know her refer to her as a boy when they first meet her.

While I know that her propensity towards transgenderism is linked to the fact that she has Asperger’s, the thought ran through my mind one day that I had a miscarriage only 3 months before I got pregnant with her. I was 11 weeks and 5 days pregnant with twins when I miscarried. I had a D&C. Because I have a negative blood type, I always had to get the rhogam shot with each pregnancy, miscarriage and delivery so as not to affect any subsequent pregnancy. So, if a former pregnancy blood type can affect a subsequent pregnancy, and there is research that cells do stay behind and affect the mother sometimes and subsequent pregnancies, is there a possibility that cells from former pregnancies could affect gender tendencies. I wasn’t far enough along to find out whether the twins I was pregnant with were boys or girls. But I wonder if perhpas they were boys and the male hormones were left in my body and perhpas absorbed in my daughter once I conceived her, thus giving her a higher percentage of male hormones, especially if both of the twins were boys, it would have been an even higher concentration.

I thought of this again today because a friend of mine sent me a video about chimera twins. I was always obsessed with twins as a child. Being adopted, there was always something in the back of my mind wondering if it was a possibility if I was a twin. My adoptive parents told me that of both twins were put up for adoption that they would have adopted my twin as well. At one point I read a statistic that 92% of all people who were born left handed were originally conceived as a twin and that the other twin was absorbed before being detected if they werent born as live twin births. I was born left handed (and switched because my adoptive parents were raised Catholic and under the spell that left handed people were the mark of the devil). When I went for my sonogram and found out I was pregnant with twins, the first thing they asked was whether I was a twin or whether there were twins on my side because twins usually run genetically on the mothers side. There is one set of twins on my birthmoms side, two of my first cousins are twins. But the video today about chimera is about the absorbtion of twins and having two sets of genetics in the same person, which my best friend sent me because she knows my obsession with twins and how I’ve felt that maybe I was a twin. One of the things included in the research about chimera was also about the cells left behind from pregnancies as well and how they can affect the mother and subsequent pregnancies, which reminded me of my theory of transgender and whether it might be due to previous miscarriages of opposite genders.

I would really love to do or see some research done on this. If you are reading this article and are transgender, or know someone who is transgender, if you could comment with whether you were born after a miscarriage that your mother had, that would be really awesome. And ifiyou were and know the gender of the miscarriage that your mother had and whether it was opposite to the one you were born as, that would be even better. This is all just to placate my whim of a thought/idea¬† and to see whether it would even be worth pursuing any further. Even if it just strips the varnish off my idea, I’d still rather know whether it’s worth thinking about any further. Thanks in advance if you do comment with any info that could help, in either direction. I am always willing to be wrong too.

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/varnish/

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You are perfect to me

 

 

 

For my daughter….who I wrote about tonight for my daily prompts blog post. She is someone who always thinks she’s less than perfect. This song came on my playlist this morning as I was taking her to school. If she could have only internalized and believed these lyrics about herself to have helped her with tonight’s situation at the restaurant…..And heck, I still need to internalize these lyrics myself. I’m still working on chasing down all my own demons…

Gender Bender

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Sometimes, the situations in which I find myself in my little microcosmic world are quite reflective of the current events and social climate of the concurrent macrocosmic world. I found myself in one of those situations tonight during my anniversary dinner at the Cheesecake Factory.

My daughter who is 10 years old has Asperger’s Autism. It is very common for children with this Disorder to have gender identity issues. Boys often are more gentle in nature due to their issues with coordination, so sports are not something that interest them. They often don’t understand the jokes that are being made when other boys are poking fun at them, which often makes them come across like a “sissy” to the other boys who are used to teasing each other and fighting back. It is often how boys play, by roughhousing with their bodies and their words. Boys with Asperger’s then find themselves relating more with the female gender who are much milder in manner.

Girls with Asperger’s, on the other, are not usually interested in dolls and dress up in the same way that the other girls their age are. They tend to gravitate towards the more boyish toys and games like cars, star wars, pokemon and Minecraft. They find these games and toys far more interesting. They are also easily annoyed by their hair. They typically like to keep it long and all one length so they can put it in a ponytail all the time, or they want to cut it short like a boy. Low maintenance is the key with the girls. They don’t like the feel of girl clothing due to their tactile sensitivities.

I knew my daughter had gender identity issues before I even knew she had Asperger’s. She began showing signs of this from the time she was 4 and would talk about how she wished she was a boy. Now, at 10, she wears almoat all boys clothing and she has cut her hair so short that it spikes up. Aost everyone thinks she is a boy.

People continuously call her a boy in my presence. I just ignore it, unless it needs to be corrected for a purpose, such as boarding a flight so that when they see her name that they don’t try to tell me that the name doesn’t match the child I am with. My daughter gets embarrassed very easily. She doesn’t mind being called a boy, but she hasn’t necessarily told us she wants to be addressed as one, or told us she wants us to call her our son or anything. But she doesn’t like us pointing it out to people that they were wrong. That is what embarrasses her. She’s in a weird sort of limbo right now and it is very hard for her.

She loves her short hair and has honestly felt better about herself and more comfortable in her own skin since she cut it. She doesnt have many friends at school, and never has. And that upsets her, but she has said that this year, on the whole, has been her best year yet, and she seems to attribute it to the fact that she cut her hair I think. And I don’t think it’s because the kids treat her any differently. I think it’s because she sees herself differently and feels better about herself. She feels more congruent.

However, one of the biggest issues she seems to run in to is with the bathroom. She is highly uncomfortable going to the bathroom in public. In school, she has had kids give her looks and say stuff to her about why she is going in the girls bathroom. In public restrooms people give her looks and she is now asking me to come with her again all the time, even though we had just started loosening the reigns and letting her go herself. Enter world of judgment…..

Tonight when my husband and I went out for our anniversary, we took her with us for dinner to the Cheesecake Factory. We had already had our alone date on Friday, so we were just celebrating a little on the day of with a dinner and brought her with us because we don’t have many sitter options, so getting out alone is a commodity for us. While we were there, she needed to go to the bathroom and asked me to go with her. Right as we were about to leave, I held the door open and fro. The outside, you could apparently see her and not me, and an older man begins to walk in to the ladies room. And he had a confused look on his face. When he saw me, I pointed to the door across the way and said the men’s room is over there. He said, oh ok, I was confused because I saw him (and pointed to my daughter a bit condescendingly-as if she shouldn’t be in there (as a boy) at that age). Needless to say, my daughter was highly embarrassed by this encounter.

As it is, my daughter already has a ton of things to struggle with every day. I really wish people would think before they speak or give condescending glances sometimes. And of course, that’s in addition to all of those who think having gender identity issues is some mark of Satan to begin with. I did not push a gender roles on my daughter. If anything, I pushed femininity on her. She still has a princess bedroom (that she despises). A 4 year old who knows nothing about the word transgender doesn’t chose this difficult life just to be trendy. My daughter is the furthest thing from trendy. She truly feels like she is trapped inside the wrong body. This has already lasted more than half of her young life. It is not a phase she is going through. She is not going to outgrow this. She moves closer and closer to dispelling all girlish things from.her life with every passing year. This year she has asked for a new Easter basket because the one she has from infancy is pink and frilly. Even things that hardly any one but the family sees, she wants to be boyish.

Transgender issues are such a hot button topic right now in the macrocosmos of society, and my little microcosmic world is playing out many details of the struggle right before my eyes. And the struggle is heartbreaking. Especially when it is your own child. And especially when that child has a plethora of other issues to handle on a daily basis as well. Please world, show some compassion. If there is any question in your mind and a child possibly looks androgynous, use a generic “sweetheart” or “buddy” or “kiddo” to address them just to be on the safe side, something that could possibly go either way. And pretty please, for the love of all that is good on this Earth…don’t give a kid or a person a weird look if you think they’re going on the wrong bathroom. They should know where they’re going and are probably right. How do you know anyway if that child isn’t a little girl who is just growing her hair back after chemo treatments???

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