Good enough

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For far too long I have cared too much about what others have thought about me or how they have perceived me. I have worried too much about fitting in their neat little boxes in order to be a people pleaser, but no longer. Why should I care to please these vague, slippery, lifeless and uninteresting people anyway? I myself don’t want to be called any of those descriptive terms, so why should I try so damn hard to attempt to lower my standards to please and amend my ways to those sorts of people in the first place? If they were of the caliber that I wish to associate myself with, then they would accept me as I am, for all of the amazingness that I am and would also not be intimidated by any of my eccentricities either. So what if I have my own way of doing things and it is not of the popular or normal culture. Everyone has their own perception of the world as it is anyway. It happens that some have a more common collective view, and others see things differently.

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“The neurochemical impulses fired when we’re dreaming or fantasizing g or hallucinating are indistinguishable from the ones banging around inside our skulls from when we actually experience those events. So if what we perceive is often wrong, how can we ever know what’s real and what isn’t? -Daniel Pierce, “Perception”

I have had very low self esteem all of my life in many areas, due to my back story. But conversely, there are some areas in which I have very high self esteem also, some might even say bordering on arrogance. It beguiles me sometimes that I can be so bipolar on this, with no middle ground. I hope that my new mission of learning self love will help to balance and even those polar opposites out. I know in my head that I am good enough. I just need to feel good enough.

Even when I don’t have confidence in myself, I somehow often have the ability when I choose, to manifest that which I visualize, even if it’s not something I ever really believe in my head that I could ever have or do. Sometimes it comes as insight, as a vision of something that is going to happen, and sometimes it is something that I just focus on myself really hard and am able to manipulate through my own energy that I send out to the universe. Even if it’s some fantastical idea that seems so far out of my realm. If only I could back all of that up now with having the full confidence in myself and feel good enough and not just some vague sense of self in some areas. It all starts with love.

“How does love rewire the brain? When we meet somebody new and exciting, they invade our synapses like a virus triggering neurochemicals that feed into attraction, arousal, and obsession. We get distracted. We think about that special someone all the time. But we’re not just thinking about them. We’re building an internal model. A simulation that helps us predict what they’ll or how they’ll feel. Of course relationships get into trouble when the simulation meets reality. Which begs the question, do we ever really fall in love with another person or just with our idea of who they are? Neuro-psychoatrists say that were hard-wired to crave intimate connections. We long for love. Of course the reality is, it usually ends in heartache. Leaving our delicate psyches bruised, if not completely shattered. Why do we even bother playing those odds? I guess because we only have to get it right once. And when it’s right, you know it. Even the memory of the fulfilling relationship can sustain you, and remind us that, although we might be feeling down at this particular moment, we’re never truly alone.” -Daniel Pierce, “Perception”

First you have to love yourself before you are capable of properly loving anyone else.

My song of the day:

“Good Enough”
By: Evanescence

Under your spell again
I can’t say no to you
Crave my heart and it’s bleeding in your hand
I can’t say no to you

Shouldn’t let you torture me so sweetly
Now I can’t let go of this dream
I can’t breathe but I feel

Good enough
I feel good enough for you

Drink up sweet decadence
I can’t say no to you
And I’ve completely lost myself, and I don’t mind
I can’t say no to you

Shouldn’t let you conquer me completely
Now I can’t let go of this dream
Can’t believe that I feel

Good enough
I feel good enough
Its been such a long time coming, but I feel good

And I’m still waiting for the rain to fall
Pour real life down on me
‘Cause I can’t hold on to anything this good enough
Am I good enough for you to love me too?

So take care what you ask of me
‘Cause I can’t say no

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/vague/

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Author: Alice Funk Farie

Ecclectic Eccentric, Adoptee, Mom of a child with Aspergers Autism, Complex-PTSD from childhood trauma, Daughter of parents with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Dependant Personality Disorder, Anxiety and Depression Warrior, Empath, Indigo Child, Musician, Educator, Wife, Stepmom, Martial Artist, Artist, Philosophizer, Quote Collector, Survivor

2 thoughts on “Good enough”

    1. Ok Mr. Dubrow 😁 I know a lot of people are. And alot of people are in their own ways. But it’s ironic to me how sometimes even those that I’ve encountered who are strange in their own ways have been quite judgmental towards my eccentricities that don’t align with theirs and I was just too self conscious at the time to tell myself or them that they shouldn’t be the pot calling the kettle black with some of the skeletons in their closet or their own oddities.

      Liked by 1 person

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