Working through my depression and being on the upside of it definitely feels good. I felt myself backsliding last week when confronted unexpectedly and not on my own timeline like I originally planned by my birthmom (though the full conversation still hasn’t occurred yet and will be on my own terms, but due to her initial confrontation a painful reality hit me that I had not prepared myself for mentally). But at least I didn’t backslide for too long. I am still stuck too much in the tv rut and need to kick this ever lovin habit and get back to some of my other activities that are still on the back burner. I am still doing better than I was for the past 3 years (hey, I’m blogging here every day right???), But there are still many more hobbies in which I used to partake that I really want to complete or get back to. And most of them are things I really can’t do until the end of the night when my daughter’s in bed, and I can’t say that I’m really too tired by then, because I stay up till like 3 am, but I’m too lazy to do them. I’ve gotten in a really bad lazy rut from the depression that I still can’t quite get out of. Though I mentally feel better finally, I can’t seem to get out of the lazy mode. It still feels like enough of a chore to deal with work and the parenting stuff and trying to do more around the house in addition to being better about keeping on top of the daily house chores that I was so bad about during the depression so that the house starts getting a little better. And that leaves me still feeling like I just want to be a lazy couch potato by the end of the night. That never used to be me and I hate that it has become me…yuck! Here’s to hoping that with each passing day that I feel better that I will feel less lazy and more wanting to get back to the hobbies that excited me, and still do mentally but that somehow can’t pick me up off the couch to go set them up to do.
My song of the day: dedicated to three of my four parents….I reclaim my name(s) and take back what you stole from me, or what you never gave me to begin with….warning: explicit lyrics…
2 thoughts on “Daily habits”
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