Come with me
And you’ll be
In a world of pure imagination
With a spin
The world of my creation
What we’ll see
-From Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
As an Adoptee, much of my life has been stuck in my imagination, and it began as early as I can remember. Where did I come from, what did my birth parents look like, was the story I was told really true, would they want to meet me if I wanted to contact them when I got older, what would life have been like if they or she would have kept me?
I never laid eyes on a face that looked like mine until I was 35 years old. It took me that long to decide to search h for my birth family. I spent 32 years (I was told at age 3) locked in my imagination. Not having this basic knowledge leaves one very susceptible to questioning oneself when challenged. If the roots are not deep enough, the tree will not be sturdy enough to withstand the elements.
So when I was faced with an adoptive father who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and a mother who has something to the tune of Dissociative Disorder, I didn’t have any comparison, and so I thought that they were normal growing up and that any issues I was having were all a part of my over-active imagination. I didn’t realize until much later in life exactly how dysfunctional they were as people and how dysfunctional of a family I had growing up. That was my norm, but I was made to believe that I was the crazy one and that anything that I was having issues over with their behavior was just all imagined in my head. It took me many many years to decide and deconstruct everything inside the jail cell of my brain to figure out that I was the sane one sane one all along.
The unfortunate side effects of all of this are that I now question myself all the time with every perception that I have. I wonder whether it is something based in the real world or some fictitious made up story within my imagination. Living with and being controlled by a Narcissist will do that to you. I work each and every day to try and break this cycle within my psychology.